While most Soulslike games have players wielding legendary swords and incredible weaponry, at times, the designs become rather ludicrous, often intentionally. Although a colossal hammer can be a thrilling weapon to wield in these games, one that dwarfs the player's size is undeniably preposterous.
Let's delve deeper into this genre and explore the whimsical, gimmicky, or downright absurd weapons that emerge. Fans of Soulslike games may be surprised by the multitude of examples.
10 Bonewheel Shield
Dark Souls
Starting with the game series that popularized the 'Soulslike' genre, Dark Souls, From Software has fearlessly incorporated over-the-top weapons into its games. Players can wield items like ladles, dragon teeth, pickaxes, and even enormous logs, with varying degrees of practicality and sheer amazement.
However, in Dark Souls 1, nothing quite surpasses the Bonewheel Shield in terms of balancing practicality and absurdity. The Bonewheel Skeletons, both visually ridiculous and remarkably robust as enemies, remain potent even when utilized as a shield. By allowing players to spin the shield for attacks, this weapon is remarkably beginner-friendly, catering to both offensive and defensive playstyles.
9 Smelter Hammer
Dark Souls 2
In Dark Souls 2, with its extensive arsenal of over 220 weapons, it is inevitable that some more extravagant or comical weapons are included. Amidst items like the Gyrm Great Hammer (resembling a literal anvil on a stick) or the Butcher's Knife, the Smelter Hammer stands out as a 'chicken drumstick' lookalike. This failed, now molten, axe is essentially a colossal mass of metal, and when dual-wielded by a player, nothing in the game appears more ridiculous.
8 Fume Ultra Greatsword
Dark Souls 3
The Fume Ultra Greatsword, first seen in Dark Souls 2 and later in Dark Souls 3, ranks among the most absurd weapons crafted by From Software. This enormous 'sword' not only eclipses the Dragonslayer from Berserk in size but also boasts enough breadth to serve as an effective shield.
Once wielded by Raime, also known as the Fume Knight in Dark Souls 2, this weapon was a terror to confront. In the hands of a player, it can effortlessly flatten any unwary foe, particularly with its Weapon Skill, Stomp.
7 Kos Parasite
Bloodborne
Despite the seemingly somber Lovecraftian ambiance in Bloodborne, the game features its fair share of ludicrously designed weapons. Whether it's the Amygdala Arm, Logarius' Wheel, or the Whirligig Saw, these weapons, conceptually, appear cartoonishly absurd. However, in practice, they prove to be quite ferocious against the denizens of Yharnam.
Yet, even the 'Pizza Cutter' resemblance of the Whirligig Saw pales in comparison to one of the final weapons obtainable in Bloodborne, the Kos Parasite. Acquired from the Orphan of Kos, arguably the most formidable and 'ultimate' boss in Bloodborne, players wield the Kos Parasite, swinging their now tentacle-like arms as if they were a frenzied octopus. Remarkably, this weapon boasts formidable statistics, debunking any notion of it being merely a 'gag weapon'.
6 Ringed Finger
Elden Ring
Lastly, in the most recent release from From Software, Elden Ring features a myriad of weapons, with several classified as 'absurd' or 'outrageous'. Among these, the Ringed Finger Hammer stands out as the pinnacle of eccentricity.
There is little to elaborate on this weapon; it speaks for itself. The Ringed Finger Hammer is a colossal finger adorned with equally massive rings, wielded by players as a weapon. Horrifyingly, the finger exhibits signs of 'life' and even possesses an attack known as the Claw Flick, which, quite astonishingly, inflicts considerable damage by 'flicking' its target.
5 Scampuss Fists
Nioh 2
Shifting focus to games beyond the From Software realm, Nioh 2 offers an array of practical weapon types, from Tonfas to Splitstaffs and Kusarigamas. However, the most 'absurd' looking weapon in Nioh 2 is scarcely a weapon at all, but a pair of Gauntlets known as the Scampuss Fists, named after the charming yet disconcerting creatures called the Scampuss in Nioh 2. These fists allow players to transform their character into a feline enthusiast, vanquishing Yokai with their formidable paw pads.
4 Victim's Poker
Hellpoint
Hellpoint is a revered indie game that epitomizes a Soulslike set in a spacefaring, Lovecraftian, occult horror backdrop.
The weapons in this game perfectly embody the fusion of sci-fi and occult themes, with the Victim's Poker exemplifying this blend. Essentially a sword/club with an otherworldly creature's organ embedded within, the Victim's Poker typifies the other weapons in Hellpoint that seamlessly fit into this list.
3 Golden Lie
Lies Of P
Next, we encounter perhaps the most seemingly 'ordinary' weapon on this list, but it is the circumstances surrounding the weapon that render it absurd. Lies of P boasts a range of arguably 'ridiculous' weapons, from a colossal wrench to a bone-cutting saw with a blade nearly matching Pinocchio's height. However, the Golden Lie takes the spotlight.
To acquire the Golden Lie, players must consistently lie at every opportunity throughout their progression in Lies of P (or by listening to records, etc). Subsequently, after bringing back the 'Portrait of the Boy' to Hotel Krat and continuing to lie, players will notice the boy's nose in the portrait extending fully out of the painting. After a certain point, they can interact with the (now absurdly elongated) nose and 'extract' it to obtain the Golden Lie staff. Yes, this weapon entails Pinocchio using the 'nose' from his own portrait as a weapon.
2 Protest Sign
The Surge 2
Frankly, approximately 70 percent of the weapons in the Surge 2 arsenal could qualify for this list. Compared to the weapons in other games, nearly all of The Surge 2's armory appears over-the-top, by design. However, one weapon in TS2 stands out—the Protest Sign.
This weapon is quite literally an actual cardboard sign wielded by protestors in-game. Not only is the concept inherently amusing, but given the futuristic nature of the game and its weaponry, using a cardboard sign feels more incongruous than using a stick compared to a sword.
1 Body Of Work
Steelrising
Finally, in Steelrising, a relatively accessible Soulslike that has garnered considerable attention and generally positive reception, the setting unfolds in an alternate version of the French Revolution, where robotics have advanced to a sci-fi level.
While many weapons are mechanical and foldable due to being used by automatons, the Body of Work 'hammer' defies conventional explanation, featuring Alchemical Scrolls inscribed with indecipherable runic language, possessing unparalleled strength when affixed to a staff, rendering it a formidable weapon.